Ok so i am 30 yrs old.. an here is the back story of my life.. its gonna be bad..

I do not remember much about it or when it started but my moms husband molested me an then when i got older started having intercourse with me.. i got pregnant at 14 an after i told my mom everything she told me i was going to have an abortion.. btw she still with him an police said its a he/she said type of thing.. i went to the police when i was 19.. i now have 3 boys an have been married for 12 years...but heres the thing since then i started to have intercourse at 17 but i literally dont feel anything.. like i can just lay there i dont feel the pleasure ur supposed to feel.. i have never had an orgasm.. like i feel his dick going inside an everything an i get wet but i just dont feel that pleasure.. it dont hurt or nothing.. an ive thought about asking the dr but i just cant bring myself to ask.. an i cant even tell my hubby bc i feel he will hate me for lying to him.. yea i fake it.. thanks to porn..ive gotten good at faking.. but im tired of it i want to experience it..i cant orgasm not even by masturbation or anything. .ive tried and tried i just dont feel anything. My husband has went down, finger, an everything but i dont feel that pleasure..i have tried therapy before. It was my husbands idea.. he does now what happened to me but not about this..