Yesterday I had my check up appointment for my miscarriage, I had to have an ultrasound the to see my midwife.

And there was a small shred of hope that they would see a baby and a heartbeat. I was so numb in the ultrasound room. Then waiting for my midwife and to be called back from the waiting room. And every person that came in was pregnant, they all seemed to have ultrasounds that day too, and they all came out with their pictures and I felt like I was in hell.

My midwife was so upset to come into my room to see me. She wished she could say something to make me feel better. I told her about the 5k I'm doing and she travels back and forth and she told me when I get pregnant she's going to come and deliver the last baby and make a special trip for me.

But she knows how hurt and numb I have been.

This is my 3rd loss and I just can't get past it