Out of the game this month...

Woke up to AF this morning. It's hard to describe the level of heartache and sadness and frustration I feel this time around. My husband and I have been TTC for a little over 2 years now. We've struggled with irregular cycles the first year, an ovarian ectopic that claimed my right ovary and tube, and a miscarriage two months after that. Since the ectopic my cycles seem to have regulated as my last three have been exactly 32 days like clock work. I thought for sure this month would be our month. I tracked my ovulation and hubby and I made sure to BD every other day and everyday during the fertile window. And yet, AF came anyway. My husband expressed to me his sadness and hurt by our inability to get pregnant. I know he was just being open and I appreciate that more than anything as he often hides how he really feels. However, I feel as if I've completely let him down. I have failed him. I can't do the one thing a women is supposed to do. Is this God testing me? Is God telling me that I am not putting my complete trust in him and allowing him to control this? All I want is to have a baby. To hold and love that baby. To be the best mother I can be. And yet, that's the one thing I seem unable to do. The hurt is real this month. The frustration and heartache of all of this is more than I ever wanted to have in my life. And yet here I am.

Sorry for the rant, but of all people, I know your guys would understand the most.