Normal weight gain?!?!? I just need to vent🙈

I'm currently 11 weeks. So pre pregnancy I was quite thin, I have struggled with bulimia and anorexia for 3 years now. I wasn't crazy skinny before but some weight on me wouldn't have hurt. So far I've gained around 10 pounds(🙈) I know every woman is different but 10 pounds for me feels like 50. It's just so hard when ive struggled with body image for so long😣 I know pregnancy should be a time not to worry about how you look and embrace body changes but it's so damn difficult. I still am (throwing up) here and there, which I feel so guilty about😢 my little baby is healthy so I'm happy about that but I wish I could stop the purging all together. I am on meds for anxiety and depression & also been in therapy for 18 months. That has all helped a little bit but there's still so much pain that I can't seem to get rid of. I have a very supportive family and my boyfriend is amazing and does what he can to help me. I just feel like I shouldn't be so depressed and miserable. I should be happy😞 my pregnancy was not planned but I know there's woman out there who can't have children and woman who have been trying for years and years with no luck. I know I should be happy because a baby is a blessing but I feel so lost and alone even though I'm not.😞 hopefully I can get myself together for my little peanut🙏🙏👶