I saw a video that made me reflect on my own behavior in my relationship and it sort of hit me in the face. I've been egocentric, controlling, and selfish. I have many great attributes and qualities to add to a relationship so I won't negate those, but I'm feeling really just not good enough for my boyfriend.

And I don't mean that in a "I'm sad about this fact, so pity me and reassure me because I'm sad" type way. But in an actual revelation, feel-it-to-my-core, terrified by it, type way.

It's the first time I've ever felt like if I broke up with my boyfriend, it might actually be better for him.

Again, I add a lot of great things to our relationship, but no amount of nice gestures I do can excuse some of my shitty ass past behavior.

I'm kind of paralyzed by this fear as the thought sinks more and more in.

I'm not sure what to do. I think I need therapy, but I don't know how to fix how I've acted in the past and I'm not sure any amount of therapy can heal some wounds I'm sure I've created, even if my boyfriend doesn't realize it.

Any advice is much appreciated.