Scattered brain

As a child I spent more time worrying about how many stars are in the sky, rather then searching for the reason I was brought to life. As a child I spent many nights crying, begging to never die. Even through hard times, I wanted to live forever. Even when I was eager for the moment I would no longer feel pain, or feel just slightly less insane. I always knew Earth was where my soul would remain. Losing anyone hurts, but the day it was all confirmed, I felt a part of me drift away. I saw part of my soul leave the earth along with you, even though at that point you were just barely formed, I prayed everyday to have you & keep you warm. From that day forward I just knew. I had bigger and better things God needed me to do. I let go of the things that held me back, I left every heartache in the past. But soon enough the emptiness came back, maybe thoughtfulness was something I had lacked. Through it all, I just continued to pray, I sat and begged for a reason to stay. & what do you know, dreams do come true, my reason to stay started when I heard her heartbeat inside of me back in May. Your heartbeat is a song that i wish I could play on repeat, but it would never get old. I have so many things to look forward to, like watching the future unfold. I promise to love you unconditionally, I promise to warm you when you get cold. I hope that you will take care of me when I grow old. You set light to a world that was once filled with so much dark. I promise you, you have my whole heart. My rainbow baby, the sunshine after it all. You're a breath of fresh air, a beautiful sight, I promise to love you even on the nights that you scream, cry and fuss without sleep, because without you my love, my life would be incomplete. Your little kicks, and your little soul, it means more to me than all of the gold. I look forward to kissing your toes, poking your little button nose. 18 weeks to go my love, I promise to stay true. Promise to never give up on me, I promise to never give up on you. I will show you the ways to enjoy life, even when others don't treat you so nice. You will cross many mountains, why yes it is true, but you will make it through, all that I ask is remain happy with you.

It's not great, but I love spoken word and how messy it is. I am writing to my angel baby then was blessed with my rainbow baby girl who is in my belly. Poetry is a great way to get out all of my emotions in a positive way.