I honestly can't even cry

it's been 11 months and in a couple of days it would've been a year. I honestly don't know how to feel like I'm hurt but I can't even cry like I'm numb. how do you just up and go no explanation no goodbyes just gone like thin air. so much is hitting me all at once and this should've been the last thing for me to worry about not my relationship. I can't believe I lost my best friend, I never thought he would pull some fuck boy move like this even though I would never put anything past him; I love him. I feel numb I feel so numb to the point where it feels like a funeral and the lost hasn't set in.