I don't even know why I get up in the morning. By going out of my way to spend time with my family it's like I'm just giving them complete permission to put me down and give me shit about everything I do. Wearing makeup hides my flaws and is what gives me confidence to be around people, but it also just gives my parents another opportunity to insult me and call me a slut. Why do I even get up in the morning so I can go to school, work my ass off, and get grades that once again, invite my parents to say 'my daughter is stupid and worthless. I'm so proud that she doesn't try hard in anything she does!'

Why do I bother spending time with friends when at the end of the day they make me feel as if their lives are 10 times better than mine. It seems that they have everything - beauty, love, talent, money.... and it has always been taught that being yourself and unique is better then blending in, but sometimes I feel otherwise. Getting shit from friends because I enjoy listening to different music, I am attracted to different fashion, and I look at a situation different to how they would see it makes me feel as though that statement is completely inaccurate.

Of course I know that there are millions and millions of people that have it a lot worse than me, and of course I feel so incredibly selfish to be laying here on my bedroom floor crying about shit that will probably pass over soon, but what if it doesn't? What if this feeling of anger, jealousy, doubt, confusion, depression, not having power, not worth love, not meeting expectations doesn't go away? What if it stays with me for years and years, making me a mess. Making me someone who no one wants to be around...

I don't know how to make myself feel better, because I know for a fact that tears don't make anything better, it just makes the tears left inside me to be more concentrated with shitty feelings.

Sorry, I know this is a lot to read, but I really don't how to make myself feel worth anything. Any advice?