Hey, so I know I'm not postpartum, but I'm about 5.5 weeks along and my doc told me to go off my lexapro if I felt I could. I want to do what's best for my baby, but I've been off it for a week and I'm struggling. I'm extremely irritable, I hate everyone and everything, I'm convincing myself that something is wrong with my pregnancy and the worst is the constant existential crisis I live in (why am I here? Why are any of us here? Why even have a baby? Etc etc). I've been on antidepressants since I was 16 and very suicidal. I'm now 30, and I don't know if I can do it without meds. I'm scared that I will harm my baby by taking them, but I can't live without joy and I have none at all right now. All those feelings from before meds are coming back, that there's no point to any of this, etc. does anyone have any advice for me? I feel like I'm failing my baby already by wanting to go back on them and I just don't know what to do. My husband has never been depressed and just can't grasp the depth of the despair and fear that I feel.