Im traumatized from all the pain the shitty doctors the double stitches i had and the fear when th doctors LEFT ME ALONE. In the delivery room(while i was still bleeding).

The delivery itself was okey (natural birth) but afterwards omg... My baby came out suoerfast so that part didn't traumatize me. After giving birth no one was telling me anything and they were just starring at me like something was really wrong. The first dr was just stitching me and stitching me and stitching ( i felt like it took forever) and the stitches wouldn't stay in place. I noticed there was i clock and by the time she gave up she was stitching me for more than a hour and didnt do it right... When she gave up she was angry at me because she couldn't do it( like what the fuck???). So they all left the room th nurses the doctor all of them and left me alone while still bleeding 😐 I didn't know what was happening at the time because no one talked to me and when i asked they said everything is fine,just that and that they called a specialist to come and finish the stitches. I waited and waited and no one came so i was panicking and remembered that my mom was really good friend with the head of the hospital and told the nurse to call him to fix me (the shock on her face was priceless) my moms friend was off that day but another specialist came in like 3min and he did his job in like 5min...

This was awful i really thought i was going to bleed out😕 and after it all was finished i eaven said to myself it wasn't that bad you were overly emotional and scared you didnt see the time... Until the nurse (who was in the delivery room while it all happened) came to me and gave my my phone so i can call my family and tell them I'm alright, and she told me: dont tell your family everything that happened here they dont have to know everything( and she was smiling at me like nothing happened) I WAS IN SHOCK!

Now its been 2 months and I'm scared of being intimate with my husband..

Everything down there is different. My labia minora is so much smaller and eaven when I touch myself it feels weird because it sooo different 🙁 i dont know how to fix this feeling...

My husband is nice and understanding but sometimes he flippes and is really horny so i dont know what to do... We didnt have sex for about 6 months so I understand he's horny but im really scared 🙁🙁🙁

Sorry for the long post...

Please help me get through this fear

UPDATE:im still traumatized by this experience but yesterday I cuddled, talked to my husband a lot and we made some progress. I said to myself it's now or never so WE DID IT 😄 we went slow and i got scared (it took a while) but we did it yaaaay 😄 (it felt like loosing my virginity again, it hurts a little still but it will pass) slowly fixing everything

THANK YOU (ALL OF YOU ) WHO REPLIED YOU HELPED ME A LOT ❤️