Stretch Marks . . . 😔

I'm 22 and my whole life I've had stretch marks. I first noticed them in elementary school, they look like white scratches on my butt cheeks and lower hips. Then in middle school, I got them on my inner thighs, white and dark purple scratches. And then in college, they traveled from my thighs to the back and sides of my knees, they're red and bumpy (and look like veins), I also got them on my love-handles and breasts.

I have never worn a bathing suit because of it, never (again, I'm 22). And now, I refuse to wear low-cut tops and shorts (which fucking sucks, especially in this hot weather).

I've always been skinny-fat and grew up playing sports, I was around 110 pounds until college, when stress and depression hit me hard and I gained thirty pounds. I look fine with clothes on, but holy shit, when I'm in my underwear I swear my skin looks so damaged, I look very aged. This has has a horrible effect on me, I hate my body, I don't want to go out or be in a relationship, or anything. And now that it's summer, I'm a hermit, because lord, I don't want anyone to see my legs.

The answer is simple, I have to get back in shape. But I've been to a dermatologist who says that these stretch marks will never go away, so I think to myself, "What's the point? I'm ugly, nobody wants to see this, not even me."

Do you have stretch marks? How do you deal with them? What does it feel like going to the beach and wearing a bathing suit? I don't feel like a woman, I feel like a damaged blob.