Dear Stephen,

You were the first boyfriend I ever had (kind of). It was long distance, but it was the first thing I could cal a relationship. We'd been best friends since we were 5 years old, and despite the fact that I was one year older than you, I always followed whatever you did.

I started crushing on you the first time you came back home from Maryland. Your voice had changed, you had scraggly hair until the short kind you mom had always made you wear, and, despite being older, you still work your Eagles jersey proudly. Sam thought you were kinda cute, but Will was the object of her eye. In reality, she just liked you around because you fawned over her, chased her around trying to kiss her, and told her how beautiful you thought she was. And all the while you were chasing her and she was getting more and more confident from your never-ending compliments, I was crushing on you. We'd been best friends for 7 years by then, but you had barely looked my way since you got back. You didn't even notice until Sam, always in the business of bullying me, told you I liked you, even though I hadn't told her I did. Then, after Sam rejected you publicly, you moved into me. You didn't know it, but you would start a long chain of events where boys would choose me only because Sam was untouchable, and even then, only to stay close to her.

You asked me out and I was over the moon! You kissed me once before, on a family vacation, and I had never forgotten. You were my first kiss. When you came back to visit again, you tried to kiss me under the bed while we played hide and seek. I told you no, because I was afraid our brothers would walk in and see us and then tell our parents. You broke up with me shortly after heading back to Maryland, over text because you were too much of a pussy to tell me in person.

You'd said "I love you". Now, I know were like 12 so it wasn't legit, but you would mark the first time someone told me they loved me and ended up lying.

And you wouldn't be the last.