Grief

I feel like I don't have the right to grieve or even be sad. But I need to say something.

People have said to me, Chemical pregnancies happen to everyone, right? Or You wouldn't have even known if you hadn't tested so early.

Actually I didn't try to test early. My cycles are irregular and unpredictable. With an average cycle of 39 days, I tested on CD38. Why? Because deep down, I knew I was pregnant. Having been pregnant, the symptoms were there. Leaking breasts, nausea, fatigue, constant peeing...everything I had with my first pregnancy. The digital test came back pregnant. No real surprise.

The only surprise was that I wasn't trying to get pregnant. My hubby and I weren't trying but were fine if we got pregnant.

Yet a week later, the severe labor-like cramps began and I knew what was happening. I cried over the loss of a life I barely had a chance to know or accept. I wept because people shrugged it off with excuses as to why I shouldn't be hurting. Women should be allowed to grieve. Knowledge does hurt. Whether you hoped for or were surprised by the small moment of life within you, it is still a loss.

I'm sorry for the long post, but I needed to get that off my chest.