I am desperate!

I am 29w1d pregnant! First time mom!

Age 32! Had a miscarriage last October at 9 weeks!

Since 20 weeks had only problems with the pregnancy! Took the genetic screening test and they said he could have Spina Bifida! After further tests we found out he doesn't have that! But they discovered some fluid around his heart! They monitored him every 2 weeks! Then they said he is in 15 percentile!

After that the doctor suggested an Amniocentesis! Thought I will die! The test came back normal, they couldn't find anything abnormal!

After that the doctor said that the baby has a genitalia problem, more exactly hypospadias, where the urethra is not where it should be so he might night a small intervention after birth!

That was a huge shock!

Last week at the doctor they said that there is a problem with the placenta not giving him nutrients so that's why he is not growing properly!

Two days ago they checked again and they sent me to the hospital for steroids shots to help him breath better in case they will decide to deliver him earlier!

The doctor said she wants him inside until probably 34 weeks!

I AM TOTALLY DOWN, I FEEL LIKE DYING!

I am not ready, I want him to stay inside me as much as possible, I love him so much and I feel helpless!

😢😢😢😢😢😢

Has anyone of you went through this? I feel scared Everytime I go to the doctor, next week we have to back again, I am.afraid they will say "you are staying here, we will deliver him"! Has anyone of you delivered so early? I really need some piece of mind or to hear other stories!

Besides that, my husband and I don't​even live in this state, we are here just for the summer (work) planning to leave at the end of September and settle in other state!

Now all I want is to leave earlier so I can welcome my baby in a safe place!

Sorry for posting such a long and sad story, I hope to find some support and advice.

Thank you for every little kind word!