I used to be a Christian, but I am now an atheist. Funny thing is, I don't ever say this out loud to anyone. And this is probably the first time I've admitted it to myself. It's been beaten into my brain that to atheism is shameful. I always feel like I'm missing something that everyone else has, which is that spiritual support, but no matter how hard I try, I can't believe. I just can't and I don't. I try pretty frequently, actually, just to make myself feel better about any sort of after life or purpose for my life. I cringe when I see "thoughts and prayers" shit after terrorist attacks, deaths, hospital visits, marriages, etc. I just think it's stupid but an inner voice is telling me that I shouldn't think it is. I instantly feel ashamed for saying things like that.