First Trimester Blues!

After multiple miscarriages, I can't even slightly smile about my baby unless I'm completely alone. I told my best friends and my mother. My husband's family knows absolutely nothing except his godmother. I have low progesterone and I'm taking 100mg at night. Surprisingly, my high BP worry has been met with an issue of low BP the last 3days. Just the fact that I'm only 6weeks and 2 days, depresses me...it's like until I'm 13weeks, this won't be joyful. Then after that, it won't be overjoyed until after 26weeks bc I had my daughter at 26.5 weeks and it was a nightmare. I almost died having her from Ecclampsia and HELLP.

I just affirm and manifest that I will make it to my 36 week goal. I will have a calm home birth. My body knows what to do. My baby will be beautiful. I am mentally stronger than the negative thoughts I have. I will not give up on my rainbow baby. I've waited for too long. ✨

Sorry for the complaining...I just need a lil love and support from other that understand. I mean none of my friends even have kids so I just feel so alone. My husband can only take so much lol any advice would be great!