Rape or just a messy night?

Question

UPDATE*** I didn't mean to start any bickering! I just wanted some input. He's a nice guy I'd never cry rape or anything. The whole night just freaked me out. 😳*** Thanks everyone for your input 😊
I invited a guy to my apartment with the explicit intent to have sex with him. He knew it. I had him bring condoms. Unfortunately, I got drunker than I expected to. I remember sitting on my couch watching Hulu with him, then waking up the next morning in bed alone w a condom wrapper on my nightstand. No memory whatsoever. He did say we had sex when I asked. 
Since I basically told him beforehand I wanted to get laid, it's basically consensual, right? And maybe while I was black out drunk i said yes a whole bunch? I don't know!
I'm not going to do anything about it, I'm just wondering what people's thoughts are on this. It was my own fault for getting that drunk, after all. And I'm fine otherwise, just feel slightly violated.

Answer

I believe since you had every intention to have sex before you got drunk, it wasn't rape. Yes legally you cannot give consent while intoxicated. But if everyone believed that way, half the population would be rapists. If, for say, it were you & your male best friend who you'd never have sex with, & you were drunk & had sex, then I could see it being rape. But you wanted to have sex so I don't see it as rape.

Answer

When you are drunk you cannot give consent. That's the law. So even if the intention was there before, or if you said yes while drunk. You were drunk. So it is rape and you were violated. 
What you want to do with that is your choice. But please know that it wasn't your fault, he was in the wrong, and you be more then right to press charges

Answer

On this one I would say a messy night. Depending definitely on how "violated" you fell though, too. Your plan was to have sex, he knew you were having sex, and the plan was to be drinking. Normally I wouldn't say it's the woman or man's fault for drinking too much because it isn't, but perhaps if you're more concerned that you can't remember the sex at all, but you knew you were doing planned drinking for a planned sex night, moderating what you drank would be more on my priority list anyway. Especially if this is my first time having sex with the guy. Who knows what else he could have done knowing you were super drunk and defenseless. "Luckily" he stuck with what the plan was. Sucks you don't remember anything, so maybe there are a few boundaries that could have been crossed (anal, blow jobs, no condom) or other things he wouldn't have known about since you weren't in your right mind, but talking beforehand on those topics on a planned drinking night with sex has a higher possibility of controlling those things, and making sure you stay in the right mind to make sure he doesn't forget them while he's drunk, too. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Rape or just a messy night?

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