I am the burden

In my "family" I am the big mistake. My mother had me to young and deep down I feel it she blames me for all of her problems. I am 13 almost 14 and for the last couple of year I have come to many realizations about my life and I'm very smart for my age. So I have come to many conclusions about myself and the top of them all is that I'm depressed and I have never been truly happy. Every time I come close to being happy I am knocked down by no other than my mother. She is the burden of almost all of my problems. At a young age I was raped multiple times and each memory of each time pierced into my mind. The guy is in jail now and the other sad thing about it I think we were related. one of my other problems is that my dad has never really been here but when he is I'm a little happy, but recently I have learned that he has life in prison. And now I am completely stuck with my "mom". I've noticed more and more over her yelling and constant disappointment in me that I don't love her, just because she is my mom, I don't even like her as a person. I get great grades but she dosent care the other child is the favorite. I don't like or love her either for different reasons... My mom constantly threatens me that she will beat me, or kill me even "beat me like a bitch off the streat". Have you ever been called a bitch by a parent it hurts but I got used to it. I've been hit in the head with a shovel for slapping my sister's hand away because my mom was tired of me. Well I'm tired of her and needed to vent a little. Unfortunately there is more to my story. Like failed suicide attemp[s]. I just needed to write about for feedback. I just can't wait to get away from her, and not be blamed for her bad choices.