losing yourself

after being in a toxic 2 year relationship I have officially ended a few days ago it made me realize how much I let myself go. form weight to my whole person. I thought I was in love but I was just sucked into his lies. I allowed him to abuse me physically and mentally . I knew and was consious of what was going on and knew I deserved better. but somehow I always ended back with him. I feel so weak mentally and physically. I am afraid of falling back into his arms after so much beat dow . he made me believe that I was doing wrong and how much of a horriblw person I was made me believe that it was all my fault and at the end that I deawrved it . he tols me to my face I desrved it all... from talking to other females to physically abusing me. and now I'm in here. wounded and all from I side amd out... thinking so less of myself which I know I shouldn't. I feel so ugly I feel so less. everytbing hurts me .you call me ugly ?it hurts... my self esteem out the door . it hurts more when I see pictures of myself how i was before I met him... I was the total opposite and never thought this would happe. to me...I'm just thinking how I am I gunna recover from this. how can I trust and love again....