Is it better to have sole custody or let a father walk in and out of child's life?

Question

I guess what I'm really asking is what does less damage to a child. Having a dad that comes back in it's life every few weeks or just being raised by mom alone? 
Please be nice... I never choose to be in this situation and I'm trying to do what's best for my child as a FTM.

Answer

Completely depends on the father and the relationship between parents

Answer

If the father is doing damage, yes sole custody is better. If he has a job that requires him to leave for weeks at a time but he still loves and supports his kids but that's the only way he can? No he deserves to see the kids.
It's a case by case basis.

Answer

For my kids personally it's easier for me to have sole custody. I've had sole custody since we spilt but always gave the dad the chance to be a dad. He chose not to. I know my kids have to have stability and him just coming and going as he pleased messed them up. Not so much when they were little but when they got about 6 and 7 that's when they started questioning if it was them or not. When your child asks you what did they do is when the momma bear REALLLY comes out. I gave my ex an option, either be steady or not at all. His choice. Unfortunately, he has chose not to see or talk to his girls in over 6 years now. They are doing fine. From what I know, so is he. He went off and had 2 more children. He has 7 total now. So to answer your question, you have to look at the options from your kids perspective. You can't keep setting them up or letting the other parent set them up for a heartache, but that's just my personal opinion.

Answer

Think about the child. It would be horribly sad and confusing for them to have a deadbeat parent walk in and out. Better they can't see that "parent"

Answer

I think it depends on the situation and the guy. Is he a good guy who would be a good example to your child. If so, then yeah I would let him see the baby when he decides to come around. He would have to be dependable and have a stable home in order to take the baby for visits. My dad wasn't around much and was in and out of my life. My mother still allowed me to see him when he did show up. I'm happy for that. He's dead now and I enjoy the few memories I had of him from my childhood. Him and his family are a part who I am (what I look like, personality traits...). However if this guy was bad news and would put your baby in danger, I wouldn't let him see him.

Answer

To be honest you can have sole custody and still allow the father to see the child.
When they are younger you can shield them but once they start to question you then you have to let them see for themselves to gain and understanding that you aren't doing it to be mean.
That's a good convo to have once the child is around 7 or 8.
A friend of mines had to have it with her daughter and at first before the convo the daughter blamed her so she tried allowing her daughter to reach out and he kept playing the lying game with her so eventually she gave up and asked her mom what's going on with her dad.
Once she talked to her then she started to understand her moms choices ok not letting her be around the dad.

Answer

I think it really depends on the father and how they approach their relationship with their children. My mom had sole custody of me and I saw my dad on the weekends and he would call me during the week. It worked because (1)it was consistent and (2)my dad didn't only see me on the weekends because of a disinterest in me or in fatherhood, but because that is what worked best. I understood that and I knew he loved me and that I was a child that was wanted. 
If it's a situation where the dad is in and out of his role as a father and only wants to take that on when it is convenient for him I think that can be more difficult for the child. Just being raised by mom and having that be what's consistent and the norm may be better.

Answer

if the father wants to visit their child they should. so long as they are good to them. no child should be ripped away from a good father.

Answer

What's best is shared parenting. Or every other weekend visitation. That being said, popping in and out is the worst! The child would be far better off not being around them at all. 💯 life experience as a mom. I know for a fact my kids would have been better off if he just bounced. The back and forth has been no good for them. My husband on the other hand had a child he shares parenting time. Omg! There has never been a day in nearly 6 years, that he isn't a parent. He always shows up. Always.

Answer

I think the moms should always have full custody and the dads should move on and make new families  - because that is what happens eventually anyway and it would save the child being dragged in different directions.

Is it better to have sole custody or let a father walk in and out of child's life?

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