Okay, to start this is basically a rant about my life and I don't know what to do about it. So I guess I'm depressed but I'm not sure because I haven't got a professional opinion. ever since I was little I've always just felt empty like I'm never fully me this feeling led to self harm at around 11 and it's got worse over the years. It started with scratching my hands until they scared and now it's cutting but I never feel the need to it's always a choice because of my mind set. this mind set I think is there because I worry alot not in a panicky way I just worry about everything and when I worry to much my family say that I'm being stupid and such. that led my mind to think that I'm utterly worthless. That was soon backed up with lots of failed relationships none of them were abusive but when it ended it would break me to the point that I'm scared of love that may not make sense but if I see even someone putting an arm around their partner I tense or if someone comes close to me I tense. I never know why but even my pets coming close makes me tense. I'm also very affected by sugar in anything and I twitch if I get excited or happy after I are even something sugary and they last for like 20 minutes or so each time. this doesn't effect me that much but I'm in public situations it gets annoying and I sometimes accidently hit my self on tables and such.My weird depression thing gets worse when on holiday because I dint see people routinely so on summer break and such when I'm away from people I have a miny mental breakdown every night but during the day I'm fine. and to finish the rant that I'm sure is very here and there I live through shows and books so much that it effects me . So so if someone does in the book I feel responsible for it so much that I get depressed because I should get punished for an imaginary death which makes no sense at all but it happens. Thank you for reading this far and if you can make any sense of this well done I'm just kinda worried about my mental state.