confession?

Question

I blame myself for the sexual abuse at 4-11 years old. I blame myself for being 14 and having a innocent crush on at 22 year old family friend until he raped me. I blame myself for being "taken" advantage of with my ex from 14-15 . I blame myself no matter how many "it wasn't your fault" or "you were young" . I blame myself. I despise myself. turned 18 last May and only now loving myself for who I am. can't change that past but I really really wish I could.

Answer

I was in the same position about having a crush on an older guy. I told my boyfriend everything, he is studying to become a police officer, he has said he read in a book exactly what happened to me. I'm still classified as a victim in the book. You may never believe it (I personally know It was partly my fault), but you are classified as a victim to others, even though you were aware. I hope one day you can tell someone you love and they will love all of you, and you may heal. ❤ Sending love to you.

Answer

Dont blame yourself bit wasnt your fault

Answer

I can sympathize. The worst thing anyone could say to me after my rape was "you went there, you put yourself in that position" and I knew they were right.

Answer

I understand. I really do. I have survived years of physical abuse by my real father until I was 6. Then severe molestation from ages 7 to 12 by a very old man who was a friend of my Grandmas. The thing is, especially with sex abuses against children, you are bribed, petted, groomed into believing exactly what you do about yourself. That it is your fault. That it is love. It's confusing to a childs brain. Mentally washed into what they shape you to be, so they can do what they do, and it alters your reality. Children who have no control over things they should like their bodies and who touches them where feel lost. We are told no one is allowed to do that, and that its no our fault, but that it is horribly disgusting and wrong. To make things worse often those that love us don't control their anger, sadness, and disgust over the situation. That to a child can be detrimental. So the combination of all of that leaves the child to do the only thing it can to take control. As children, blame or taking blame, is control. Being as we are innocent and want to believe in others worth and the perp is often removed, we do exactly what you are doing to gain some sense of control. We blame ourselves for everything.

Answer

Thing is, as we grow so does our perspectives. We become confused and either continue the path of abuse that was set, such as being attracted to a perp. We are in a way wired to be that way. Its only when we really sit down with ourselves and say "I will not abuse myself from my past abuses. That was a learned skill and I am capable of learning something new." that we can really grapple with the pain and worthlessness we feel after being told that was "love" and told it was not but not our fault for believing the first. The greatest thing I can tell you is, you are not alone in your pain unless you choose to be. Reach out, so in times of blame and despair you will have support that will truly remind you of your beauty in your soul and your worth. Sending love from one survivor to another. We are the change. We are the empathy.

confession?

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