This may sound weird to say I want them, but won't have them..

Here's a little background knowledge on me, since about middle School, I've had some pretty terrible anxiety & for about the past year, I've had severe depression. It's extremely hard because my parents don't believe in mental illness - they think they are a way to get attention & not a real medical condition - so I've grown up in a house hold that doesn't understand the struggles I face or accept that I have them. But up until recently that hasn't really been much of a problem... until I realized I started to realize that I'm also suicidal & that's when I realized I could never bring a child into this cruel, disgusting world. It is selfish for me to bring a child into this world, especially because I don't want to live anyway.

I know that I could never go through with a suicide, but I've definitely thought a lot about it, how I would do it & what would happen to those I leave behind.. I know it's selfish to think about suicide, but if it's selfish to take yourself from this world, isn't it selfish to bring someone into it who - may learn they never wanted to live in it either? - if I don't want to live here, how can I expect to raise a child to live in this world & be happy?