My whole life has been painful .... but everyone has had pain right ?

It's so easy to love my shell, the person I am when I'm feeling empty , I usually feel nothing , and destroy the things around me that make me feel anything ...

I'm physically away from the things that broke me , but they're still inside of me... ripping me apart ....

I was sober for a while , I'm drinking again .. just not obsessively , because I don't allow myself too .. I want to all the time tho ... once I start .. I don't want to stop .., it's the only time I feel anything ... usually happiness ...

I'm good for a while .. then this happens... out the blue , how do I fix it ? If I don't even know what's broken ... they're is just to much ... I'm feeling weak...

Love is so deceiving ... and pain is inevitable..