so I need to vent.. not sure if this is the right place but this is where I am so here it goes. Let me first say that this is not intended to be negative in any form or fashion, I am not speaking from that place..

So after 5 years of friendship, a gentlemen friend and I decided to become physically involved. He was in a relationship when we first met and I respected that, (so did he) so there was zero funny business. Anyways in the last few months we decided to become physical and it was amazing! Our first encounter happened so naturally, wasnt planned or forced. We were chillin how we always do and on that day physical chemistry just took over. It was breathtaking, 4 rounds of ecstasy with both of us reaching our peeks every single time and our friendship remained solid. When we're both done I hold him, and kiss him and massage him all over and we really jus spend the time talking and showing affection to each other. Fast forward to a few days ago we had another amazing session, but days later I get a text saying we should cease what we got goin and jus be friends because Im coming off too clingy. Clingy how?🤔 Is what I'm failing to understand.. I check up on this man everyday to see what's on his mind and how he feels (generally speaking, completely unrelated to our situation). I inquire about his day, I speak encouragement and life into him. reassuring him that his IS a KING and he has power in his mind and his tongue and that he is greater than the adversity and many tribulations he faces on a daily.. I even send him cute lil bitmojis because I have a sense of humor. And jus to reassure him that even tho I would like for us to be more, the thing thats most important to me is our friendship.. ugh I could go on forever...

So many males think I'm mean, coldhearted, and emotionless and I show THIS man the softer more vulnerable side of me and it comes off as clingy? Im lost..

Especially because we just saw each other and had a GOOD ASS TIME.. so if our friendship is real why not say this to my face? why wait and text me? he accuses me of calling him excessively and not giving him the chance to get back to me at times but that couldnt be farther from the truth and I have the call logs to prove it.

I hate where we are right now, I dont have real clarity on whats goin on btwn us and I dislike it because its never been this way before.. Im really btwn a rock and a hard place, I dont wanna lose a friend.. but at the same time is this man really my friend to begin with? Why is it that OUR men (I say our because we naturally belong to each other) particularly men from urban areas so afraid of what feels good to them? Why is it that when something feels great it is feared and shunned? Or its assumed that there's something behind it? Why aren't our kings mentally ready for love?

I feel like this man is such a great soul yet he seems to take my positives for negatives more than half the time. I literally always find myself saying "I dont wanna fight" "I'm just trying to be the opposite of everything stressful that your going through" .. My only intention is to be this man's happy place but I'm starting to feel unappreciated.. I'm an understanding person, and I know no friendship is perfect but its starting to feel a little like I'm being beat up. So I guess I'm trying to figure out if this is something I should attempt to talk thru with him and come to an understanding, or just distance myself because he's not behaving like a friend to me.. Im not desperate by any measure but I do want to find peace and love with a black man one day but its reallllllly getting to a point where I'm becoming afraid to love a black man...😭😭 I cringed writing that smh 😣😣

If you've read this much feel free to chime in.. all I ask is no negativity ...