so my boyfriend messages other girls like im not stupid. sometimes he smiles so big like hes genuinely happy just from a text or kik message. when i walk by he exits out of whatever hes doing so fast. like if i come out the bathroom i can see in the mirror how fast he switches what hes doing. this whole house has huge mirrors like i see pictures as he's trying to get out of them or delete them. the other night someone kept calling and he would say its no one then lowered the ringer but i could see everytime it lit up since theres a giant mirror. he would turn over and slide the message and call notifications away. thing is i want him happy and if hes not with happy being with me ill leave. i dont want him staying for the baby. i always feel like i should go stay with my mom although that living situation isnt all good like she moves place to place due to low money and not being able to pay rent although she works like crazy like if i go i wont have a bed we lost everything but um i feel like i shouldnt stay here. if he wants to be with someone else ill let him. ill cut myself out of his life of course ill tell him about his child. i wont keep them apart i am terrified that if we break up hes going to get custody. hes the one who works and has a house hes stable im scared when the time comes he will try and get custody and i love my baby so much im scared if he does that the court will obviously side with him. hes older and like i said he has stability. the fear of once i have the baby and then him getting full custody is terrifying. ive never worked i focused on school then went through depression ended uo in a hospital and got then when i was released i went back amd got my diploma some months later im happy now and suddenly pregnant ive never worked i let anxiety get in my way and just focused on school. he has a well paying job although he didnt graduate hes 11 years older he has a house he rents from his dad he can provide for a child. . all in all i dont want to stay if he doesnt love me or if he wants to be with someone else. someone his age maybe someone not picky someone who dresses better someone who makes him smile. i think that what hurts most hes my second boyfriend ever and someone else can make him smile so much he lights uo the room. i am in love with him but maybe two years is enough heck even limg before now he was talking to otjer girls. messages from one saying she was wifey material and heart eye emojis they sent back and forth but he said they were just old friends so i let it go because i love him and try everything to make him happy.i am clearly not enough but he wont ever say it. i feel like i should just tell him how i feel and go stay with my mom wherever shes at. when the time comes that im going to have the baby ill tell him. but i dont know how to express myself verbally its always been hard for me. i keep chickening outm we sleep in the same bed yet we are so disconnected he texts and kiks and snapchats and all i do is lay there waiting to see if he puts him phone down and gets some rest before work or remind him to put his alarm because hes busy doing other things. i wait to see if hes going to hold me or just turn around . something needs to change . he should be happy he deserves it. i don't think im the girl who will make him happy