Heartbroken and lost mama in need here. Please please help if you can!!

Sarah

(Originally posted as a reply to a post in high risk group)

I'm a little late adding to the conversation but I too am high risk and having issues feeling judged by my doctor. In my case it is my general OB doctor who I am having issues with. I see a maternal fetal medicine specialist who provides all instruction for my care. At my last specialist visit I was told that my baby's heart walls were thickened. I have no idea what this means. I wasn't even aware that I was at risk for this. I am 28 weeks and go back at 31 weeks for another scan to see if the thickened walls have gotten better, worse or remained the same. From there we will make decisions about things like where I will need to deliver etc. needless to say this information is alarming and terrifying and overwhelming. Well I went to my regular OB today who after reading my report to the specialist asks me what my plans are for birth control after this pregnancy. WHAT?!?! I should add that prior to her reading the notes she had asked how I was doing and I told her how torn to pieces and lost and afraid and in turmoil I have been. This woman is the head of the entire office and her response is inquiring my plans for birth control. There is a place and time for such conversations. Right now in this moment today I needed focus on my baby that I am currently feeling move and grow inside my body. She shamed me in more ways that that but my heart is so heavy and lost and longing for understanding that I don't even care to add to what I've already shared. I posted about the heart issue in the "general pregnancy" and also in "nov 17" groups. No replies. I stumbled across your post here truly by accident (I accidentally opened your post in my pocket) and I found myself here posting my troubles. I can't find any info on fetal HCM. I don't know what I am supposed to think or feel about any of this. I asked my dr for info today and she basically said it's a wait and see and she doesn't know anything about fetal measurements in the heart. She was angry at me for being pregnant given that I knew prior to conception that I was high risk. Her anger and judgement were evident and were her reason for not putting any effort into working with me today. I need help. I need information. I need support. I feel like I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Any support or advice or information would be greatly appreciated.