Recurrent miscarriage struggle.

I guess I just need to vent a little. We've been trying for a baby for over a year - so far I've had three miscarriages, had to under go one "removal" op and the next two were "natural" losses. I've only ever reached as far as 11 weeks where I got to see our baby on the scan and then heard the gutting news that there was no heartbeat.

I've had all the relevant tests now - all fine, hormones, blood, internal. I don't understand where we're going wrong.

I've been googling and I see lots of people have had recurrent miscarriages after having the implanon - I had this for five years and I am now beginning to wonder if it has effected my chances of having children.

My work colleague is now pregnant - and telling customers in our workplace which I find so hard - listening to the constant baby talk and congratulations - I'm feel like a horrible person for feeling like it. I'm happy for her but it really upsets me that I never got to have all the conversations or feel the way she's getting to feel not only that but now I'll be left to run the business while she enjoys a new baby which is what I am desperate for.

Can anyone give me any advice or help? I'm really struggling this time around I feel like I'm depressed and just getting through day by day but it's a real struggle, I'm not sure anyone really understands it. I don't want pity I just want help to get over it.

Thankyou 💕