how to know if you're really in love?

Am i staying because its habit to have him around? i love him.. but am i in love? he can be an ass... he cant control his anger and says he wont try to go to therapy with me. or even alone. he thinks it wont work. he tries gaslighting me frequently and he will call me names over stupid shit. he mocks me .. like for instance... Yesterday he asked why the dry eraseboard was bent. and i said because you never hung it up like i asked 50 times and the kods kedp knocking it over. he got all pissed saying i could have done it.. and i was telling him that i dont know where all his shit is to hang it! and he just started mocking me . but hes also really good to me. but im sick of feeling like im so terrible... idk.. im lost.