The Reality of a Newborn.

Becoming a mother is hard and not even schools prepare you for it. No one tells you how hard it is when it's 3 in the morning and your son is having a hard time breathing and your suppose to watch him while he eats to make sure he won't turn blue like the last time but you're having a hard time trying to stay awake and he knows this so he is crying and waking up everyone in the house, who all has work in the morning and complains about how tired they are because the baby kept them up all night. But I'm sorry, I can't help his father doesn't want to get up and help me when I'm struggling.

No one tells you how hard it is when your kid has been crying for 4 hours straight because they are fighting sleep and you can't even lay him down to pump so your leaking boobs will stop hurting. Or how you can hear your stomach growling but you don't have enough hands or time to make a quick snack to hold you over so you know the only time you will eat is when he finally sleep tonight and the dinner you've managed to somehow make for everyone is cold but you eat it just like that because you know you still have a lot to do. Like, go pump because breastfeeding fucking sucks but you know it's so much healthier for him and you want what's best for him.

And when everyone home, you finally think someone will help you. At least take the baby you can take a shower but you have to beg the father, who makes the comment, "fine. I guess even though I worked all day. And you did nothing." And as you get in the shower, you forgot that you need to pump again! (Seriously, breastfeeding sucks.) but you hold off and get in the shower and as the warm water hits you, you moan in satisfaction, and as you start to finally relax you actually feel how exhausted you really are. So you hurry with the shower so you won't fall asleep in the bathtub.

And after another feeding, you finally somehow, by some miracle get your kid to sleep. And as you lay down in bed, everything you did and didn't do runs across your mind. And as your body aches, you feel your 8 month old puppy curl up next to you, trying to make you feel better because she seen you struggle all day long. And just wants to make you happy. And as your eyes slowly starts to close, they open back up because you want to make sure your lovable monster child is still breathing. They are. So you go back to lay down and as your drifting to sleep... they are awake and crying and as you look over to the guy next to you, hoping he would say he would get it and get up, all you see is him throwing a pillow over his face and muttering something. So you sigh, rub your eyes and tell the precious baby that you love no matter what, that it's okay and that momma is coming.

And as you pick up your baby to feed once again, your day starts all over again. Just this time, it's the question of is that poop or did he fart?