am I being selfish?

Question

so my husband wants to go into the service. he wants to work towards being in special forces. We have 2 kids and are trying for #3 right now he's a diesel mechanic and makes decent money. We have a lot of debt and 2 trucks were currently paying off. right now were doing well but we need the income around at least 3,000 a month to make it. And he's making around 4,000 a month. he wants to go right away. he has heart problems but wants to try to keep that a secret to go in. honestly it's been his dream since he was little and he even went into the little marines. I think it's a selfish decision to leave all of us to go through basic etc. I would have to work 2 jobs to make it and idk what I would do with our kids.( I'm currently a sahm) and he  doesn't care that he would be away from his son's for long periods of time.... this has been an issue for the past 2 years.... am I being horribly selfish, or is he? I think he should've  done that before we made a family. he thinks I'm a bitch for not being all for it... also our kids are2 and 9 months

Answer

he won't be able to keep his heart problem a secret

Answer

He's not going to be able to hide his heart condition. They do intense physicals. 
You're not being selfish, you're being realistic.

Answer

I get that he has a dream, but the problem is that it's not a realistic one. He has a family to support. He can't just leave a wife and two kids who depend on his income. Also, he has a heart condition which absolutely must be disclosed and will likely keep him from serving. It's sad that he can't be doing exactly what he wants in his career, but that's life. Maybe in a few years when your kids are older and in school and you're more financially stable he can look into it again. Sounds like his heart problem is a deal breaker though.

Answer

I would tell him to go if you guys are able to save up some money to make the transition smoother.
But I'd also strongly suggest he disclose the heart condition so it's not all for nothing when they figure it out and medically discharge him.
If I had a dream like that, my husband would support it and we'd find a way to make it work. His happiness is important, same as yours.

Answer

You can't expect him to put his dreams on hold. If I had to get 3 jobs so my husband could follow his dreams. Just like you are a stay at home mom, meaning you could follow your dreams. The only thing I'd be worried about is his heart condition.

Answer

Here's the thing, his heart condition will come up at some point if he goes SF. The training is intense and meant to find areas of weakness in your body. It would be dangerous for him to do so. Also, unless he begins as an officer you won't be making that money goal for a while. I've been in for 4 years and I just broke 3,000/month last year. If one half of your marriage goes into this with a grudge you guys are going to struggle. I've seen too many marriages fall apart on deployment because one or both partners didn't understand what they were getting themselves into. Good luck!

Answer

He's being selfish. His wants and dreams should have changed the minute he had kids. Who would seriously want to be away from their wife and kids when they don't have to be ? I would leave my husband if he pushed that hard for something like this. He's making decent money, there's no need to go get a job that's gonna take him away from you and the kids.

Answer

It's his dream and you know he won't get in already because of his heart. I say let him try. Yes it's foolish of him but guys are funny sometimes about missing out on their dream jobs. When they tell him no you can be there to comfort him.

Answer

I don't blame you for feeling the way you do.  How old is he? For Special Forces you have to be 20-30 years old.... and the army in general cuts their recruits off at 35.

I hope you can both come to a mutual agreement to what would work best for your family... good luck!

Answer

I think he's being incredibly selfish. my husband sometimes wants to reenlist but won't because of his son and me and now we have a baby on the way.  And the others are right,  he won't be able to keep the heart condition a secret,  not to mention how shady that would be

am I being selfish?

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