im a horrible person and here is why...

So im the biggest Peice of shit in america and im fully aware of it and take full blame..heres why..so my ex and i were together for 10 years, so from the time i was 13. He was very known for cheating on me and being really hateful to me for any and every reason. we have 5 kids together but this past april i caught him cheating with a girl he worked with. so i decided to get even cause i was just DONE. His best friend and him was on the outs so me being a stupid ass decided to take advantage of the situation(his friend and i had been friends way before they were friends) and get eveb with his friend...this went on for a bit and i decided to finally leave and start over. so when i left i continued to see the friend and during this time my ex was begging for me to come back. i wouldnt give him the time of day and ended up admitting what was going on because i actually started dating the friend.(reason for me being a peice of crap)...the friend and i arent together anymore and havent been for a while we only dated a couple weeks..and now im talking to my ex again. but..he says he isnt willing to cross the bridge of us being a couple again..id love to be with him again more than anything. BUT im pregnant and it isnt his baby. He said he thinks i should abort it. but im completely against that and so he said he isnt saying we wont ever be a couple again because of the baby but he wont support another mans child...what would yall do in this situation? And again beleive me when i say that i know im a POS and i deserve everything im going through.