Pregnancy shaming?

Question

You know what makes this post so ironic is that I'm 33, in a stable marriage, with a great career, and mentally prepared for this pregnancy and upcoming birth. I had my daughter in 2009 in a different marriage when I was 25. To say I struggled across the board would be an understatement. It was hard. 
Today I got a call from my supervisor. She said my coworker, who is equal title to my own, is offended by my pregnancy. Supervisor and friend, was just giving me a heads up in case I started noticing my coworker acting out. We have a lunch meeting tomorrow, and coworker called supervisor to tell her she didn't want my pregnancy discussed at all and she didn't want to be question as to why she felt that way. Supervisor told her that was an inappropriate request. 
Now I understand why my coworker isn't taking my pregnancy well. She struggles with infertility issues. I understand that because I myself have a loooong history of fertility issues including endometriosis and frequent tumors within my uterus. It's a miracle I got pregnant. I also know that gut wrenching feeling you get when you want something so bad (a baby), and everyone around you seems to get pregnant except for you. I get it. I really do. I completely empathic to that heartache. 
What is absolutely blowing my mind is this feeling that I should somehow be ashamed that I'm pregnant because coworker is uncomfortable or has her own demons to face. I'm angry that she thinks it's appropriate to attempt to censor me over my own damn pregnancy. I've been very low key about this pregnancy from the start. It's not my first and I don't feel the need to blow the news from the mountain top. I certainly don't go running my mouth about it at any given opportunity. It's private, and I behave in that manner. 
Why should I be ashamed at this new life because someone else's feelings aren't equipped to deal with my reality? Why is okay for someone to tell me what they find acceptable about my body? And yet, have no qualms about pushing their own agenda? Why is her issues with my pregnancy even relevant?
I'm wondering... if these issues escalate... I.e. the censorship, if I should bring it up to HR? And if so, how do you approach that discussion?

Answer

I think you're making a lot more out of this emotionally than is necessary.  
The girl can't really cause problems for you over this.  She is being unfair and irrational, but she has no power.
Plus you only heard her comment from a third party.  She might not have said "I'm offended" by the pregnancy, but rather "I'm uncomfortable" because of her own infertility.  Which is ..... fine and normal and no big deal.
This is really not a big problem.  There are no consequences to it.
You are preggos, it's wonderful! Congratulations !

Answer

she sounds crazy. Just completely ignore her and don't feel like you have to tiptoe around her feelings and not get excited about your pregnancy. That isn't anything you can get in trouble for

Answer

I didn't interpret any of that as you being shamed. Just that she's massively insecure and unhappy. I'd try to ignore it and bring it up with HR if she starts being nasty

Answer

I definitely see your side... you have a miracle in you and want to be happy and share the news. But I've also been through fertility treatments and it shattered me when someone else got pregnant, someone else, someone else so I can see why she is sad/jealous BUT that does not give her a reason to be mean! Maybe just don't discuss it around her? But share it with others that want updates etc. if she ever says anything to your face say well I've had infertility so I'm happy after all this time I got my miracle (it may give her hope that she will get hers one day and you guys may end up friends)

Answer

your pregnant girl flaunt it. we all have our own insecurities and struggles. She has to deal with it in her own way. not your problem.

Answer

I know that topics some time just come up, but what in reality do you need to discuss pregnancy wise with randos at work? Like say you have to pee twice in the middle of lunch, you could just excuse yourself. You don't need to explain, "because I'm pregnant". Same with feeling queasy or not eating certain foods. You don't have to make a show of why you're doing certain things.
That being said. She can't demand you not say something. You can do whatever you would like. It would be a great kindness though if you could try and accommodate this woman who is clearly in a lot of pain. Again, you don't have to, she is being unreasonable. But you could look at for what it is, pity. Be the bigger person because you can and it is kind.

Answer

I became very sad when my direct supervisor got pregnant with very little effort but was happy to support her and help her have the most comfortable pregnancy at work. My depression kicked in but I at least understood how inappropriate it would be to act out with her. Me and her had a chat about it so she understood how I felt. Now that I'm pregnant and she is no longer my supervisor she is my biggest cheerleader. 
Good luck to you. Maybe she needs to have an HR mediated talk with you about her concerns.

Pregnancy shaming?

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