trying to move on...part 3

we would argue and i noticed his temper would get shorter and shorter to a point where i couldnt defuse it and i'd shut down like what happened to the man that was patient and tamed idk things changed he would make me feel inadequate at times other time like i was the best thing in his life after awhile it got old i didn't want to feel the on and off again high and lows so i'd just ignore him which he hates but that was the only thing i could do to keep my sanity and poise...one day he got the crazy idea when i was mad at him about something can't even remember now to get a tribal tattoo of my initial and a heart it was a grand gesture that obviously stand the rest of time and turned me on soooo much wait pause .............let me tell y'all about our sex because no story is complete and worth your opinion without accessing all aspects of the situation, feel me? OKAY well ITS MAGICAL we are very comfortable with each other and will cater to our wants and needs and it's like HEAVEN. He's made a squirter out of me, a screamer and right to sleeper out of me lol . since this is a period app well he was never opposed to it always had to be 3rd day or after which i was fine with cause i'm bloated and all that good shit anyways the first 2, we role play, chocolate syrup i mean we are some freaks lowkey and we both love it, im big on kissing and he's great at it and idk about you girls but it's hard to find a man that can kiss lol it's the truth!! anyways back to the story we were driving home from somewhere together and we had already been arguing earlier that day and somehow picking up where we left off smh honestly i was always the one to succumb so we could just stop arguing but i was over that shit one thing led to another and i stopped the car in the middle of the road and hopped out and started walking home i was miles away from our house but i didn't give a fuck (when im mad im impulsive) im better at it now but wasn't so good at it then. well he followed me he was always big on communication which was something i struggled with and i could tell it bothered him that i wasn't strong in that but i couldn't help it i'd just shut down most of the time i'd slowly find the words to express myself sometimes other times i'd ask for a min to get my thoughts together so we could reconvene but it seemed like he didn't want to wait in that aspect of things and i felt like he was more of a bully about it than trying to figure out why communicating for me was hard. so i just didn't want to talk just walk home and blow the steam off it was late past 1AM i knew he wasn't gonna let me walk home but i needed some air BAD his temper started to rise again and i knew it wasn't gonna be good so i just kept walking well he caught up to me and was trying to tell me to come back get in the car blah blah well i didn't he grabbed my arms forcing me into the bushes to get off the main sidewalk at this point im like ok like really get off of me still felt in control until something in him like snapped i felt his hands grasp my neck and i felt my airway blocked im on the ground dirt in my mouth and all mins pass and all i can do is try to say his name and stop he lets go and something in him clicks back i get up off the ground and run he's walking fast behind me calling my name and he's sorry 😐 i'm in my head deep like this can't be happening to me we caused attention to us because walking back to the car two police cars show up trying to figure out what was going on...i don't believe in talking to the police unless i call for them i've been thru a lot so thats just my take on that. i could've gotten him locked up that night but i didn't i said to the officers we were talking and we were going home that was it i knew they didn't buy it bc my hair was all over the place and i was kinda out of breathe but i tried to catch it prior to them walking up we just got in the car and left i made him sleep on the floor that night and the next wrk or so he wasn't allowed to come home, the home where he paid rent at . the next months nothing was the same like a drake album i started evaluating everything i mean EVERYTHING i started conversing with an old fling i just didn't care anymore he could give me no answer or anything to why that had happened i was so sickened with myself for not being able to get him off of me even though i knew it was physically impossible im 5'3 hes 6'0 and is strong but still nevertheless i was fucked up in the head the next months were filled with apologies and silence and dates and anything you want and im just still fucked up I KNOW MOST IF NOT ALL YOU LADIES ARE LIKE WTF LEAVE HIM! i know i said the same thing to myself but i stayed and i stayed bc i was already in love cliché probably but if i hated him would i had even been with him. when i allowed him to come back into our home he was scared. scared that i'd hurt him in MANY ways but i didn't idk why i didn't but i didn't....