In the summer of 2008 my boyfriend and I at the ages of 17 moved in with his grandmother and auntie. My parents lived about 4 hrs away from us and it was the first time I felt really on my own. My boyfriend's dad lived 4 hrs away and his mom about 2 hrs away. We partied the summer away and I felt like I got pretty close with his Aunt who also partied with us. She was around 26 at the time. School started and we enrolled at the local highschool and we sobered up. After a couple weeks I realized I couldnt remember how long it had been since my last period. Next thing you know I was pukong every morning or everytime I was hungry or smelled food. My boyfriend and I were scared of being judged I guess or getting kicked out or w.e teenagers are scared of when an unexpected pregnancy occurs. We wasted time keeping it to ourselves after having it verified by the school nurse. One night, Auntie was drinking and she got emotional and personal with me. She told me about an abortion she had when she was younge and how it was the right decision blah blah blah. She didnt make it seem like she knew about me so I naively thought that it was a sign for what decision I should make. So I told her our situation. The school nurse set up my appt and we got another family memebr who was actually clueless to drive me to the appointments. One of the appts was an ultrasound. I remembered a story my mom told me about the time she almost aborted my little brother and she said how as soon as she seen the ultrasound she knew she couldnt go thru with it. Because of this I didnt look at the screen..sometimes I still wish I would have.Auntie took us to the final appt. My boyfriend kept pretty quiet during the whole ordeal up until after the termination appt. I was left with the impression that he agreed with our choice and wanted us to go thru with it. I had constant second thoughts all the way up to the operating room. They gave me a pill to insert as far as it would go like a tampon. I waited about 45 minutes before they finally called me in. The pill was too induce contractions I guess. The procedure was supposed to be uncomfortable and last only about 30 seconds. Today I can remember vividly everything in that room especially rhe pain and the sound. It was by far the longest most painful thirty seconds of my life. My boyfriend wasnt allowed in the operatong room and all I wantes to do was cry and scream. I left that room in a daze with still no tears shed. We drove home in silence. It wasnt until three days later that we were forced to bring it up again. Getting ready for school after my morning shower I noticed my boobs were sore and I had started lactating. We tried to laugh it off. Finally my boyfriend confessed his true feeling ablut regretting the decision and how he felt like I made it myaelf and that I didnt love him because I got rid of hos baby and I told him how I felt like shit about it too and that I wish we would have comunicated better about it and didnt allow anyone to influence our decision.Fast forward 9 years my bf and I are still togwther, we have 3 beautiful healthy children that I thank God for everyday. My bf and I were both depressed after the procedure and regretted it tenfold. I was more severly depressed I think. We were 13 weeks and 4 days the day we gave up our first conceived little spirit. I swore I would never do it again. I dealt with my depression mostly in silence for a long time. There were a few special people I crossed paths woth who I was able to talk to openly about my ordeal whoch helped me alittle. The next time I concieved I spent the majority of my pregnancy paranoid and praying that the creator wouldnt punish my me or my child by miscarrage or birth defects. I felt this way with my next 2 pregnancies as well. To this day I cant look at abortion pics or the anti abortion paraders or anything without feeling the familiar pang of guilt and regret.I am pro choice. I sympathize with anyone in a situation that calls for the consideration of abortion. The first trimesters of my pregnancies were always the hardest. I would look at growth prgress and see how big my baby was when I did the operation and feel sick to my stomach. I brought up Aunties abortion to her this passed year and asked her if ahe still or ever did have feelins about it. She ended up crying and telling me that now that she has kids she feels the pain of what she did but more importanly she apologized to me for"giving me bad advoce". I appreciated that after all these years. . I could write more lol but thats the gist of it. Thank you for reading I hope this speaks to someone. Feel free to comment or ask questions.