T.M.I. I'm Finally Relaxing!

So I've been having sex since I was 18 now I'm 20 well it's always been with the same guy and I just now and getting relaxed enough to where I'll actually get pleasure out if it. and tonight I actually let him make me squirt and cum! I shake really bad when I cum and I've always been scared that he will think squirting was weird or nasty or whatever. Well he is leaving for boot camp Sunday and I pretty much said fuck it I'm not getting sex for 3 months I wanna make the most out of this week and I'm finally comfortable enough to let him to anything to me. It's not been anything about him it's me. I body shame myself I always tell myself that I'm too fat or not sexy enough or he is just having sex because he is my fiancé and is being nice to me but it's never been like that he has always enjoyed it and he loves my body but I always shame myself saying he would like it more if I was skinny but the past couple months it has been such a self confidence boost with how much sex we have and how he looks at me. I've always been worried about my body to even notice how in love he really is with my body and all my stretch marks and scars he loves them all.