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I don’t even know where to start with this I just know I need to get it off my chest and I don’t really have anyone to talk to anymore

Ive really been going through a lot and it’s like I fake so good that no one even knows it about last month my dad told me I wouldn’t be anything and that I wouldn’t make it in life (please don’t comment saying I will,I know I will my feelings are just hurt)I post about it on Facebook and my bestfriend who ivebeen friends with for more than ten years and one of her friends inboxed me in a group chat calling m crazy and saying how they thought I was mentally ill and how people were worried about me because they thought I was gonna commit suicide (the post was nowhere near that serious) I was upset and I NEVER mentioned harming myself in it so I stopped talking to them blocked their numbers all of that.i have a boyfriend who’s still stuck on his ex and I don’t know how to tell if he really likes me for me I had sex with him for the first time ever yesterday and now I regret it because I feel like no one knows I exist In his life or that we’re together I feel so stupid for that I’ve been hurt so much you’d think I’d have learned I’m 20 I have a job I don’t have my own place I still live with my parents and I feel like they don’t even treat me like an adult I want my own place but it’s hard to save I wanna get back in school but I might have to quit my job and no one will help me with funds I feel so stupid and useless.. maybe I should have just killed myself but I know that’s selfish and I feel like I have a purpose itsjust taking so long to reach it and everything thing is so hard I’m tired of crying at night I’m just so tired of everything I just don’t wanna wake up any more I don’t want this life