I often am the Positive Polly, the Chipper Christina, the Happy Hilary...(all hilarious names I've made up over the years) but for some reason I've become none of the above. I recently got married after 7 years of dating my husband. We are each other's best friend and loved spending time together. He is a homebody and I WAS an always on the go, outgoing, happy hippie.

Anyway, after waiting 7 years to get our ducks in a row, we started our careers, got married and are ready to have a baby. I stopped taking my birth control two months before my wedding and just KNEW a baby would come easy. However it is certainly not. --I remember back in Sexual Education-- "if you have sex without a condom you WILL BECOME PREGNANT" 😑couldn't be more wrong for me.

I started on this app, learning weekly from fellow Glowers the dos and donts of TTC. I've got my vitamins, opk, hpts and my preseed. I've learned so many things. I started the journey 9 months ago and can honestly say it has been fun learning about my body and the crazy things you start realizing however, it has not been fun realizing I am starting to stray away from my husband.

Lately, I have felt down and not entirely myself. I haven't felt like I was obsessing over having a baby until just now. I am 28, young to some people, however I can't get out of my head the timing it might take for me to conceive then carry a child for nine months, pushing my age out further and further than I wanted it to be.

I haven't felt more disconnected to my SO than I do right now. I asked if he still found me sexy, he of course said yes. He asked why I felt that way and I bluntly said "I don't feel as if you want to have sex with me anymore" he responds with "yes I do you only want to have sex when it's your ovulating time" which, the only reason I try then is because he is tired during the week, and we can only have sex every other day and sometimes once every three days during my ovulation week. I don't want to put pressure on him in my TWW to have more sex esp if he's actually trying for a baby when it "counts".

I truly think wanting a baby this badly is hurting my actions and my feelings toward my husband. Today I have decided I will NOT be trying this month and maybe more months to come. It will take everything inside me not to opk test, not to bbt chart, not to check cm. I am willing to take this sacrifice, however I am feeling super down and curious if anyone else is or has gone through this. I do know it hasn't been as long as a lot of people here however... I feel upset and sad that a baby is farther in my future than I had hoped for.