Break ups

So me and my boyfriend of 4 years have just recently broken up. The first 2 years in our relationship were the best. We were so busy doing our own thing with work and school and still putting it as a priority to see each other. We fell in Love hard. Always went on trips, just going to dinner or just laying in bed watching Netflix or just talking. We clicked. 1 1/2 into it, we move in together. But we never had a conversation about if we should, it just happened. I would stay a couple night and then a couple night would turn into a couple weeks. I slowly was moving all my stuff into his place and then my parents were moving so we both just kind of got thrown into it. We started to fight a lot and I just felt like I never did anything right. I couldn’t clean properly, do the laundry properly, never cooked enough. I slowly stopped seeing my friends bc we always were together and he wanted it that way. Then it turned into me somehow asking for permission to go places. I would make plans and then cancel them bc we would get into a fight and I had to stay to fix things. I ended up getting 2 jobs to make more money and hoping that the separation of not always being together would help. It didn’t. I got super overwhelmed with working all the time, ended up not having any time to do anything and we kept fighting. There were multiple times he would “break up” with me and then I would have to call him and convince him to come back. That happened more times than I can count. But I kept loving him. Until this past year I thought he was going to be the one I married and have kids with. He always had this plan where he wanted to travel and not get married and not have kids until that was out of his system. I was always the one waiting. One fight. One last fight was what it took for me to be done. Back and fourth. Back and fourth. When your had enough, you’ve had enough. We broke up. But he is still “fighting for me”. Putting it on my shoulders to make the decision every time he wants to talk about it making me the bad guy and making me feel guilty every time I tell him I don’t want to try. How do I get rid of the guilt. When I don’t talk to him I feel guilty. If I do talk to him I feel guilty. I can’t move on with this guilty feeling of like I did something wrong or made the wrong choice.