I think I finally came to realize

I've been 'seeing' this guy off and on for like 3 years (essentially we have a monogamous sexual relationship when neither of us are currently dating anyone else, yeah...I know) anyway, I have anxiety issues which in my everyday life are pretty controlled, but this guy just gives me anxiety, enough to where I physically get sick, and I used to think it was because I was into him or something, but it's gotten to the point where the shittiness of the anxiety attacks outweighs the experience with him. Like, it's just not worth it anymore, I type as I lay in bed, not having slept, and nauseous af, after having to kick him out of my house because I just couldn't take the anxiety of him staying over at my place, vs me going to his, where I could leave whenever I wanted, was more comfortable. I don't even know if I'm making sense at this point in my sleep-less stupor, but my point it, whatever it is should be fun, not anxiety inducing, and most likely, if my body is telling me something is off, it probably is, and I'm finally not willing to go through it for a 'situationship'