Moving on

I've been in love with my high school sweetheart for far too long. We broke up in our freshman year of college when he decided to go to the military and we knew we wouldn't be able to continue our relationship. I was missing out on any kind of college experience and he felt like I'd resent him if I didn't go to parties and date college guys. He didn't think I could handle him being on deployment and broke up with me.

After we broke up a lot of other things happened that sent me down a spiral into the worst depression I've ever experienced. After a while I ended up in an abusive relationship for 2 years. I managed to end it when I graduated using that as an excuse. During this relationship my ex and I kept in touch periodically. He dated a few girls and I tried to explain what was happening to me. I still loved him and didn't want to leave my abusive relationship to just be alone again. But I never told him I was still in love with him. I just listened while he vented about his girlfriends and I tried to vent about my boyfriend. After I broke up with my abuser, I saw my good old ex and his family. We all celebrated his little brother's 21st birthday together. He bought my drinks, we danced, we kissed, he told me he loved me and always would. Then he left the next day to go back to base. I called him a few days later and asked him to clarify when he meant from all that. He said he didn't mean to kiss me, he meant he'd always love me as a friend, and didn't want to break up with the girl he loved in California.

I am heartbroken. During my abusive relationship, I didn't realize that I was getting through each day on the hope that I'd get back together with the only other guy I've ever loved. The only guy who seemed to love everything about me, even the things that pissed him off. I told him I can't stand it anymore. I told him I'm still in love with him, the fact that he only considers me a friend hurts, and I can't stand being hurt anymore especially by him. I asked him not to contact me anymore and told him I won't be able to contact him anymore either. He said he understood and wouldn't be offended by me not keeping in touch. We said goodbye and I cried myself to sleep for him again.

I'm doing better. I can tell I'm better off now, but I can't help thinking there's still hope for us. How do I get over the idea of us living happily ever after forever? It's been 3 years since we broke up and I still seem to think we're meant to be and it's keeping me from falling for anyone else. Help please.