I just want to share
I called her "Squishy." No idea where it came from but it brought a smile to my face. My husband liked Squirt (lol). And I always thought we would have a bunch of girls, hence the "her" from me. We found out we were pregnant March 30. It was 1:57am. I had been cramping. Thinking good old Aunt Flo was coming I didn't think anything of it until I read a comment from this lady..."I cramped really bad on one side when I was pregnant with my son." What do u know...positive! I was abt 4 weeks and elated, panicked, and anxious all at the same time. I tricked Cle into getting in a photobooth where I held up a baseball onsie. It was adorable! Lol. We were going to be parents! No symptoms really at all. I didn't really feel different. Then on April 18, the bleeding happened. Once at first where I was then told to rest and stay hydrated and try to relax (sure!) I did though. The bleeding decreased a bit. Or at least it wasn't bright red. I was SO scared and nervous. I prayed and cried and prayed some more. My dr's office saw me that Monday, April 20. My little Nugget had a heartbeat. I was elated! Then April 22, the bleeding started again only this time, it didn't stop. I knew. I didn't want to be negative but I knew. But U know what, God won't put more on me than I can bear even when I didn't think I could do this. There has been death all around me: my brother lost his baby at 32 weeks a couple weeks ago, my sisters best friend lost her baby at 19 weeks...and me. In my OB world, I know it comes in 3s. Today, we confirm that our little Nugget or chocolate chip as my mom calls him/her, was too special to join us on earth and God called time. I am grateful that I bled when I did because some women don't even get to see their baby. I got to hold a piece of her in my hand. I got pregnant on my own when I was told women with PCOS can't. And I have the best husband, family and friends. So for all of that I am grateful. To my little Squishy, mommy and daddy love you SO very much. I hate that we never got to meet but you were God's angel first.
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