BF struggles

Please no judgments. If you haven't been in my shoes, I don't need hateful comments. I tried BFing with my first two. Both times I lasted about six weeks. I absolutely hated it! Never knew if my baby was getting enough and honestly I had so many different nurses tell me different things I was so confused. And the lactation consultant would tell me what to do but it never seemed to work. Also, I am a very modest person and I would never ever consider BFing in public or even around my family. Besides all this I just hate it and I don't really know why. I tried pumping but could never keep up with how much the baby was eating. It was like with both kids, the second I pumped was when they got hungry and I could never get ahead. Is there anyone else who has felt the same way? I don't really even consider BFing with the 3rd one