Abusive relationships aren’t only physical

Every single day of my life I have to walk on egg shells to not piss him off . I have to watch my tone , where I look , what I wear .

If we are out in public and there is a remotely good looking guy , and my eyes go even a little close to the direction he is in ... I am in trouble. It’s is fighting for hours on end .

I have learned to not even look in the direction of the opposite sex. It feels like a job it’s so much work. I can’t just enjoy a walk down the street. I have to always be on alert that I am not going to look at another man.

For the record , in the beginning of our relationship (6 months in) I did lie to him, As he had lied to me about a few things . But I forgave him for his mistakes and I was never forgiven for mine. So I live everyday in the remembrance of what I done . (Which was talk to an old friend behind his back who was a male , and this male started speaking to me in an inappropriate manner. I did end the conversation , however I didn’t let my bf know about it)

Everyday he mentions why he can’t trust me because I did what I did 2 years ago . And that I should always want to and have to prove my loyalty to him.

I question if I deserve this , maybe I shouldn’t of lied. Then I wouldn’t be living in this misery. Getting called a liar , a sneak , thirsty for men’s attention .

And saddest part is we have a 1 month old daughter together now. I don’t want to give up because I do love him and want a family for my baby. But I’m starting to think I am wasting my life