I have had a very abusive childhood. I was raped 13 to 16. Last year I overdosed on my antidepressant and spent 16 days in the ICU. My parents made a point to tell me how expensive and stupid my actions are, and how much I cost them because of my "problems." Last year in college, I called my parents balling. I was puking, peeing myself, couldn't eat, crying, couldn't eat, couldn't lay down, puking blood, and felt like I was dying. I knew they would yell at me for going to the doctor or getting an ambulance because of the cost, so I called them and told them what was all happening and if I had their okay to go to the hospital. They told me to go to sleep and sleep it off and that an ambulance is too expensive. A friend ended up driving me to the hospital, and little did I know that my apendix had burst and I was rushed into emergency surgery.

I am now 20 and in nursing school and dating my lovely boyfriend, a lawyer who supports me 100%, more than my parents ever have.

Because of all of the abuse, I even feel guilty when my boyfriend buys me Starbucks or we go out to eat, since I was always shunned by my parents for existing.

In fact, my rotator cuff has been brutally painful for the past 4 years. I was told by my parents to just "wait it out")." It hurts as if a hammer is hitting it throughout the day. I can not raise it more than 30 degrees outward without it hurting. As of right now, I am applying Biofreeze every hour and it still is not taking away the pain. My parents still tell me to deal with it, but I am making a doctor appointment tomorrow for it. It hurts when it is hanging naturally from my side. I just called them and they told me to not go to the doctor. And that they have aches and pains too and have not gone to the doctor (they are both 55).

Has anyone else had a dark childhood like mine?

Should I feel bad for going to the doctor for my shoulder/arm? I don't know what to do.