Nowhere to vent; can’t stop crying, need to let it out somewhere.

I cut off my boyfriend a few hours ago. Meaning, decided to walk away/ let him be. Took him off all my social media, haven’t said a word, blocked him on my phone. I know this isn’t the mature way to handle things, but I’ve tried the grown woman approach, by talking, expressing my feelings, arguing & making up, all of that- I got tired of showing respect when it wasn’t being shown to me.

I am feeling like the biggest piece of shit. I didn’t want to let go. For months I have been struggling trying to know if I needed to work harder to work on things with us or if I needed to walk away already. I’ve been accused of walking away too fast too many times in the past; and he meant so much to me; I thought he was so different- like maybe finally I found MY guy, I kept fighting the urge.

I kept trying to make things work, kept asking for communication, for trust for all that but I hit a breaking point today. It’s a LDR but it was still workable-he was so invested in the beginning. But things just slowed down to the point where I can’t even get a text. When I do, it’s hella forced- like he doesn’t care what I say or don’t, just that he contacted me like I had begged him to before. I have been feeling him so distant, and legit his effort was so questionable during everything.

I keep realizing it’s just me trying, caring. It’s always the hardest when you’re the one in a relationship that cares the most- but you look pass that when you love HARD, even if it hurts! You keep praying it will change one day or just have faith. But I couldn’t do this anymore, I couldn’t handle feeling how even asking for to speak more was too much of a request. I couldn’t have faith anymore- and I feel guilty for it, even though I tried so hard & genuinely cares for this man. I feel so horrible for walking away from someone that has added so much to my life, but I couldn’t keep up. I was in love with our memories, but nothing was changing.

I know he’s probably noticed my hot mess cutting things off. But no text. Deep down, something tells me maybe he’s okay with me being out. I blocked him on my phone just now because I don’t want to expect anymore- lol I couldn’t get a text as a girlfriend, why now? And I didn’t want to argue about it, he always told me I wanted too much too fast