Please dont attack/shame me. All I feel is

Exhaustion, anger, sadness, resentment, regret, boredom, pain...Loss of identity, loss of sleep, weight gain, body issues, missed promotions/career, being stuck at home while husband has great career, fun, nice wife/family etc.... His life didn’t change! I feel trapped in a lonely domestic Hell. No love, no joy, no fulfillment.

I thought this is what I wanted. I CHOSE this! The entire world says having a child is the most amazing/important experience ever!!! Why do I feel like my life is over? Im an old 1st time mom... cannot get my career back, my parents will be soon dead. I have no support! How could i be so stupid, having a baby when Im unhappy & isolated? Far away from any family.

20 years of therapy & dozens of psych medications havent helped... My old friends have all disappeared & abandoned me when I needed them the most. I havent been able to meet new ones. Life is cruel. I am completely lost & torn apart. I fear it wont get better. I can’t undo this decision. I’m ashamed I’ll be a horrible mom, I hate myself. What have I done?

Please someone tell me you went through this & things got better for you. Tell me you pulled through even though you were completely alone. I’ve never been so lonely & sad. The docs just throw a new med RX at me and I become more incapacitated, sick and lethargic, like I’m already dead. I’m med-resistant. I dont know where else to turn.