I don't know where to start.. I've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years. He comes to visit my state every couple of months but it's so hard. One month ago.. I started having panic attacks and fell into deep depression (not because of the relationship) I told my boyfriend about it but he couldn't be there for me bc of distance and he's usually busy with school.. so I grew close to one of my friends.. I was put on medications to help control my anxiety & depression and unfortunately I was getting really suicidal to the point I almost went through with it.. but that's when my friend saved me. I told my boyfriend about my suicide attempt and he didn't really seem to care, he said he was scared of losing me but then changed the subject quickly... he wouldn't ask me how I was doing and when I felt down he wouldn't be comforting.. we would talk about how I felt with depression then he would talk about HIS problems and how he's so stressed with school. As time went on, I grew closer to my friend and two days ago we kissed.. I still haven't told me boyfriend about it and I feel so guilty... I felt like my boyfriend didn't care about me and I felt so alone in the relationship.. I don't know what to do.. I feel like a terrible person :( I want to tell my boyfriend but I'm afraid he might do something stupid.. he has before.. any advice?

Update: I tried breaking up with him once and he threatened to take his life.. he started cutting himself and I had to contact his family.