Depression in college

Bilan

I’ve decided to post this here only because I’m not sure who I should be saying this to. I’ve been in college since September and it is now November for the past two months everything has been pretty normal I moved to a dorm really far away from my family because that’s what I thought I wanted “independence” but now I’m not so sure. Being in college not only made me relapse and begin smoking an insane amount every weekend sometimes even during the week. Things from the past that I thought I had resolved within myself have started to surface , my depression and anxiety are almost crippling at this point and I’m legitimately failing school at the moment because of it. My insecurities have also surfaced and being the one of the only black girl in an otherwise almost 99% white university does not help. I know most people would say to talk your parent about stuff like this but I dont feel like my mom would understand I know it seems like I’m just ranting on and on but my point really is just to ask if it is normal to feel like this. Feel like nothing feel like the world is caving in on you. Feel like you have no purpose and if any of you who are in college can relate to the isolation that comes with it