Trigger warning* I am sharing this because I have no one else to talk to, and I’m tired of feeling like people judge you for this decision, which is a very hard decision to make. I hope this opens up so that other women can share their experiences freely, without judgement or harassment.

Two weeks ago, I had an abortion. As someone who has always been pro-choice, I never thought I would choose it for myself, but I did, and I don’t regret it. My husband and I have two children, and between the two, we had a miscarriage. I was torn up about the miscarriage, because it was very much wanted, and when I conceived my rainbow child, I was extremely excited. However, five months after having my son, I found out I was pregnant again, regardless of being on birth control. I panicked, but my husband and I talked it out and decided we could do it. We talked about a new car for the three children we would have, moving to a bigger house, but I tried not to let myself get excited, because I knew what would happen. With every pregnancy I have had, I get Hyperemesis Gravidarum. For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is an extreme form of morning sickness that cause a mother to vomit multiple times a day, makes it hard for her to eat or drink, dehydrates her and drains her body of nutrients. It’s very tough to deal with, especially with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy. I was done having kids, especially having had this condition three times, and that’s why I put myself of birth control. I waited, to see if maybe this time I would luck out and not get it, but it hit me like a train. Not only was my body not healed from my previous pregnancy, but it still hadn’t had time to replenish itself from the nutrients it lost during those nine months (and unfortunately I had it my entire pregnancy). I was hospitalized twice, to get fluids from being so dehydrated, I couldn’t eat or drink for days at a time, I had a hard time functioning with daily activities (and taking care of my two kids, especially a baby), and I couldn’t swallow my own saliva without running to the bathroom to puke it up. I was miserable, I cried every day, I wasn’t able to be happy about being pregnant again. One night, I stepped on the scale and noticed I had lost 15 pounds in two weeks, and I knew it wasn’t healthy. I was honestly scared for my life, and my doctor wasn’t taking anything seriously, and couldn’t give me the medicine I knew would work until I hit my second trimester which was weeks away. I sat down with my husband and I asked him how he felt about terminating the pregnancy. He was supportive, and said whatever I chose, he would back me 100%. He would love to have another child, but hated seeing me deteriorate in front of him. He hates holding me while I cried, he hated coming home from work and having to clean the house, cook his own dinner, take care of the kids, put them both to bed, all while I laid on the couch puking every 5 minutes. It was rough, so we decided to terminate. And I don’t regret it. It changed my view on so many things, I became a better mother and wife, because I knew that during those weeks I put my family through hell. I finally realized that I was absolutely sure I never wanted to be pregnant again, and I’m looking into ways to permanently remove that option. Pregnancy kills my body, and I feel like we need to stop judging women for the option they choose because you never know why they are choosing it.